I’m no longer consistently posting, but that’s because I’m out here living.
Don’t really want to do that usual 2017 new year post thing, but I feel like I need to reflect back on 2016.
Politically the year sucked for the world.
Personally this was a good year for me.
Looking back through my blog I had so much negative anger that I kept hold off. I turned myself into my own biggest problem – that’s a story for another day.
All I want to say for anyone out there who finds themselves relating to my blogs is that it’s ok. I found out that you need to go through the crazy times in order to FIND yourself. You need to hit rock bottom and figure out how to climb back up by YOURSELF. No matter how many people you are surrounded by that love you, it is your personal journal to SELF discovery. If you aren’t the one picking yourself up, then it’s not happening man, you are not living YOUR life. Stop waiting for someone to put out a helping hand, sad truth is that everyone is out here for themselves.
I’ve finally grown into my own and am proud of and love my family and culture. Bragging to others who are unaware of this mysterious world and way of living. But I feel like I’ve shot myself in the foot.
At work I lavishly talk about my somewhat traditional, yet lightly infused with western, way of living. But the smiles and pretty picture only lasts at work. At home the mask comes off and I feel drained; but from what? The fake smiles? I can’t work out what I want or what I need to make me happy. I’m a completely different person at work compared to home. Work gets my smiles, laughter and kindness. Home gets my bad moods, hostility and sharp responses.
I’m confused. Why am I being so harsh to my family. I am a miserable, horrible person to my family. But the complete opposite to strangers. Perhaps the supression growing up is causing resentment? All I know is that I don’t treat my family they way I should, but I can’t stop or change it either.
I distance myself from them, am aware of this, but can’t stop it at the same time.
We are born curious, loving creatures with boundless amounts of energy and spirit. But too many of us become shells of ourselves, our energy lost and spirit dead in our eyes.
I came across this picture below and it spoke volumes to me.
What happened? Who or what kills the soul? Is life not supposed to be a loving experience where humans encourage and support their fellow companions. Instead I feel as if those around us are more responsible for killing our humanity than not, either directly or indirectly.
Where does all that life go? The following scenarios and examples come to mind as answer to this.