Will You Hold My Hand, Please?

I’m seeking a husband.

But I’ve never had a date. I’m 24.

It’s a little different in my culture, we’re not supposed to date around in order to avoid temptation as we are to enter marriage as virgins.

Can you imagine how difficult it is to be 24 and never have been in a relationship. I am craving male companionship and physical contact, not necessarily sex, but simply holding hands and having someone to hug. Try going that long without that physical human contact, it gets quite lonely.

I have informed my family that I am ready for marriage and they have started ‘the search’. This involves them asking friends and family in our community of any suitable matches. It’s basically old-school match-making. Word spreads and you end up marrying your Gran’s-sisters-husbands-brothers-sons-cousins-friends-uncles-son.

It’s an arranged marriage which isn’t so much arranged. My family are the matchmakers who introduce potentials and we both will meet and chat and decide if we would like to get to know each other, but you do so with a marriage in view (average engagement is around 1-2years). During the time that you ‘date’ you are essentially wedding planing, which may seem odd to those from the Western world.

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Let It Go

I feel like I need to write this, and let it go once and for all.

My best friend was my cousin (I wrote about our relationship here).

Growing up I wore my heart on my sleeve, I was so open, so bubbly, no filter between my brain and my mouth. You got what you saw with me.

But then I started noticing that whilst the everyone new exactly who I was, I didn’t really know my closest best-friend. She was so closed off, having trust issues. Later on I learnt that her parents were having marriage problems, and were to divorce. This was never openly discussed in our family and to-date still has never openly been said. It’s just brushed under the carpet and not questioned by us kids because we never really saw her dad anyway, so his absence is not unusual. Point is, to-date she has never once mentioned this whole saga to me, or even indicated that it’s happened.

So I found that so weird. There I stood openly telling her everything about our household, my secrets, my feelings, and not thinking anything weird with being so forthcoming, but something as big as her parents divorcing and she never uttered a word to me. The lack of trust on her part was part of the turning events for me when I changed into into this bitter person that you have seen vent on this blog.

I thought she was so cool, so mysterious being that closed off. I felt that being so open as I was, was considered uncool. So based on the hurt I was feeling from the lack of trust she had in me and a bunch of other stuff happening in my life at the point, I decided I needed to close myself off.

I created the same monster that I am today trying to defeat.

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Priorities

SON: “Daddy, may I ask you a question?”
DAD: “Yeah sure, what is it?”
SON: “Daddy, how much do you make an hour?”
DAD: “That’s none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?”
SON: “I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?”
DAD: “If you must know, I make $100 an hour.”
SON: “Oh! (With his head down).
SON: “Daddy, may I please borrow $50?”
The father was furious.
DAD: “If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior.”

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy’s questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $ 50 and he really didn’t ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy’s room and opened the door.

Family love

DAD: “Are you asleep, son?”

SON: “No daddy, I’m awake”. Continue reading