I’ve been chasing a high-flying job at a Top 5 multi-national firm for 3 years now and a couple of months ago I got it. Hindsite shows me that the constant rejection fuelled me, it was my driver. But it blurred the lines. What I thought my heart wanted was nothing more than a constant focus on the one thing that I couldn’t achieve. My need to prove success created a facade and front that my brain labelled as a Want. The job was and is the perfect step to the perfect career which would be the perfect goal for the perfect life. But my heart doesn’t want perfect. It wants simple.
Before you get excited this isn’t a post about ‘my first time’.
Last week was my first week at my new job. It was my first job in the corporate world and in an office (previously worked in retail).
And I hated it.
My first day was horrible. The people were nice and it wasn’t hard as I was only going through induction material but I still hated it. All I could think about was how the hell am I going to last a year!
I experienced culture shock, anxiety from being outside of my comfort zone, and I felt scared. Scared of being in this new environment, with new people and without a clue as to what I was meant to do. I went home that night and felt so happy to see my family, so happy to be inside my home and my comfort zone once again.
My dreams and illusions were shattered. During the build up to the new job I had all these fantasies and daydreams about how I was going to act. How I was going to walk into the office looking all professional yet cute with a hint of sexy. How I was going to be confident and show them that I was a force to be reckoned with. How I was going to make friends with everyone and be sure they all knew the new girl was something else.