Not Worthy Enough

My confidence has collapsed again.

It never even grew enough to build a stable, strong foundation. That’s what makes it harder.

I don’t feel worthy. Of anything.

I’m receiving love from my family but don’t feel worthy of it, that’s where the hostility is coming from. I’m on the defensive once again.

It’s time. I need to take the step and find a therapist.

I need to let go of this once and for all.

I can’t keep dragging this weight around anymore. I’m emotionally battered.

I don’t even know why.

End game.

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I’m All Lonely Up in Here Baby

I’ve noticed that I go through mood cycles. I will have periods of content/normal moods and behaviour, flashes of elated happiness and then bouts of ‘depression’.

I’m not sure if I can call it depression or not. But I feel sad, down, lonely, bleak, numb and yet constantly anxious and on edge. If anyone goes through this they can understand that these words are an understatement and don’t even scrape the surface of the feelings themselves. Everything feels horrible.

Bleak. Sad. Desolate.

It’s like you cannot imagine things getting better. You feel as though things can only get worse, I can’t even describe what its like.

What makes it worse is that I dont even have a solid excuse or reason to back it up. Yes things are a bit hectic at the moment, but to be honest I feel quite detached from them. There a lot of bad luck circulating at home, but I can’t blame it on that, because like I said I just feel detached from it all.

Sad and lonely

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