I Used To Want This Thing Forever, Y’all Can Have It Back

I’ve been chasing a high-flying job at a Top 5 multi-national firm for 3 years now and a couple of months ago I got it. Hindsite shows me that the constant rejection fuelled me, it was my driver. But it blurred the lines. What I thought my heart wanted was nothing more than a constant focus on the one thing that I couldn’t achieve. My need to prove success created a facade and front that my brain labelled as a Want.  The job was and is the perfect step to the perfect career which would be the perfect goal for the perfect life.  But my heart doesn’t want perfect. It wants simple.

there's no such thing as simple. simple is hard.

I crave simplicity. I crave freedom.

Perfect = Stress

Perfect = High Expectations

Perfect = On the ball 247 Continue reading

Advertisements

The End of An Era!

Four years later and I have finally completed my University Degree and all my academic education! It’s been difficult at times, but more than worth it. I now have the freedom I so craved all these years, especially in the last few months when exam stress was getting a bit too much. I am now completely responsibility and commitment free and I LOVE it! I am yet to find a job and have nothing pressing in my life at this time.

My canvas is blank and the thought of starting to paint on it is so exciting that I don’t even know where to start. This is my stumbling block, I have so much I think I want to do I just seem to be running around in circles with a paint brush held in the air. So no paint has yet hit the board. 

For the past 2 weeks I have been relaxing a.k.a laying around like a slob not able to get off the sofa, but I am so bored. 

When busy with studies and exams I had a million and one ideas floating around my head, all these little arts and crafts and travels I wanted to do. However now that I have the time to do them, my mind is blank and I can’t bring myself to do anything! What is this?!

The grass sure aint greener on the other side. 

But even if I could get my lazy bum off the ground and moving, I’m limited to what I can do because of the restrictions I have in place. Catch 22. 

Think I need to create a bucket list and just go for it. But guess what, I don’t even know what to put on my bucket list. I wanted this freedom so much but now that I have it, I don’t know what to do with it. Argh, I repeat what is this!?