Let It Go

I feel like I need to write this, and let it go once and for all.

My best friend was my cousin (I wrote about our relationship here).

Growing up I wore my heart on my sleeve, I was so open, so bubbly, no filter between my brain and my mouth. You got what you saw with me.

But then I started noticing that whilst the everyone new exactly who I was, I didn’t really know my closest best-friend. She was so closed off, having trust issues. Later on I learnt that her parents were having marriage problems, and were to divorce. This was never openly discussed in our family and to-date still has never openly been said. It’s just brushed under the carpet and not questioned by us kids because we never really saw her dad anyway, so his absence is not unusual. Point is, to-date she has never once mentioned this whole saga to me, or even indicated that it’s happened.

So I found that so weird. There I stood openly telling her everything about our household, my secrets, my feelings, and not thinking anything weird with being so forthcoming, but something as big as her parents divorcing and she never uttered a word to me. The lack of trust on her part was part of the turning events for me when I changed into into this bitter person that you have seen vent on this blog.

I thought she was so cool, so mysterious being that closed off. I felt that being so open as I was, was considered uncool. So based on the hurt I was feeling from the lack of trust she had in me and a bunch of other stuff happening in my life at the point, I decided I needed to close myself off.

I created the same monster that I am today trying to defeat.

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They Can’t Poke Me Anymore

Started 2016 off with a bang by deactivating my Facebook account! Wowza that felt good.

I’m not committing to never going back, but a break from it will be good for me. This is one resolution that I have partially completed by just clicking the button. I was really apprehensive and didn’t want to do it, worrying that I would miss out on a lot of gossip and information about my ‘FB Friends’, but nevertheless I have just pressed the Deactivate Button people!

My low-self esteem, low-self worth and confidence is a problem that spills onto every aspect of my life. Facebook and general social media culture consists of people posting the most fabulous moments of their life for the world to see, which can get a little depressing. Especially when you know you are prone to the little green eye and base your self-worth on every comparison you can make to others.

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