I Used To Want This Thing Forever, Y’all Can Have It Back

I’ve been chasing a high-flying job at a Top 5 multi-national firm for 3 years now and a couple of months ago I got it. Hindsite shows me that the constant rejection fuelled me, it was my driver. But it blurred the lines. What I thought my heart wanted was nothing more than a constant focus on the one thing that I couldn’t achieve. My need to prove success created a facade and front that my brain labelled as a Want.  The job was and is the perfect step to the perfect career which would be the perfect goal for the perfect life.  But my heart doesn’t want perfect. It wants simple.

there's no such thing as simple. simple is hard.

I crave simplicity. I crave freedom.

Perfect = Stress

Perfect = High Expectations

Perfect = On the ball 247

At present I work for a small company that has a casual and relaxed family-like culture and work environment. I work my own hours and is the closest thing to flexible I will ever have. It’s a far cry from my previous job at London, where I now leisurely walk to and from walk within 15 minutes. No traffic. No car. No transport. No 1.5hour train rides. No stress.

But of course you can never have everything. Whilst my current job has a sense of freedom to it, the trade off is money. I work for minimum wage at the moment, but its fine because the fun-loving work environment, free hours and easy nature makes up for it.

The new job offers a higher salary, training towards a chartered qualification, prestige and endless career opportunities in future. The big old corporate affair.

I worked damn hard to get the offer, but now I have it I no longer want it. Funny that.

The thought of beginning in September fills me with dread! I truly hope that its just fear talking, because I’m not sane enough to deal with another emotional breakdown.

My priorities have changed.

I just want simplicity.

I just want freedom.

I don’t want to be tied down.

I’m still fighting for peace.


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