Obviously this post is not about me, a poor woman wrote this heartbreaking letter to her cheating husband. I hope he has seen it and feels disgusted with himself, but I highly doubt it.
The letter can be found here. But I have copied it below with my thoughts and commentary throughout in bold italics.
“It’s been about 12 weeks since I saw the awful texts that confirmed my suspicions that you were being unfaithful. For two years I had been questioning whether you loved me as I felt so unloved – so much so that I occasionally asked if you were having an affair. And I felt you were avoiding me. You assured me every time that you did love me and were not having an affair, which made me feel happy that things were fine again, for a while.
However, I had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right but because you were reassuring me, I began to question my own sanity. I became ill, had panic attacks and anxiety. Our children wondered why you were going out so much and not spending much time with me or with us as a family. But you carried on being selfish.
I hate how cheaters treat their partners in such a disgusting manner. Not only are you betraying and hurting them so deeply by cheating in the first instance, but you then treat your partner as a stranger. Cheaters tend to ignore their partner throughout the affair, treat them in a cold manner, and make them feel as though they have done something wrong. It just angers me because the cheater is already committing a sin, but then feels no remorse at digging the knife in deeper. Why? Just tell me why?
Originally, when I confronted you about the texts on that awful day, you were adamant it had only been a one-night stand. Although the familiarity in the tone of those texts did not ring true for just a one-night stand, when I asked you, yet again you reassured me.
You arranged for me to go to a Relate appointment with you the very next day, to which I’d agreed. Five minutes before we were due to go in for our session, you broke the devastating news that you had indeed been having an affair – for 18 months.
My world fell apart. I was utterly distraught. You were my world – my friend, my only lover – and you had completely betrayed and hurt me to a degree beyond my comprehension.
This digs deep for me, because I am most likely to marry my only lover. When this lady has committed herself fully to this man, he cheapens the relationship and her commitment to him by playing around. Him being her only lover is sacred to her (and should be to him too), but now it means nothing because his selfish actions have tainted everything.
After a week or so, you twisted the knife yet again and admitted the affair had really been going on for two years.
You had also spent some of our family money on this woman and taken her away for weekends. You said you had purchased several bottles of wine every time you met her, as you put it, to help you “do the deed” as it was “just drunken sex”.
You bought her flowers, a photographic memory book with pictures of you together and a necklace for her birthday. You took her away to several concerts, including the V festival. You took her for a night in a hotel the day after Valentine’s day, which was also a couple of days before her birthday. And all that time you were lying to me about who you were seeing and what you were doing. I was so trusting.
This hurts. It’s one thing to have a sordid extra-marital affair, but when the cheater lavishes time, money (especially family money) and love upon the other women it changes the game entirely. The wife probably spent money carefully, putting the family home and children’s expenses as priority above everything else. To then learn that her selfish husband was spending that money carelessly on his mistress is devastating. Also why buy her a photographic memory book? How stupid are you? This guy needs a reality check; the other woman is your whore (just as you are a man-whore), why are you trying to sugar-coat your “relationship”?! Sorry, not sorry. Don’t even get me started on the holidays they took together. Argh!!
Also mentioned in the article was the fact that the children noticed his absence, they noticed that he spent more time out of the house, than at home. I hate this. Children should never have to suffer because of their parent’s SELFISH actions. Sorry but when you become a parent you should do so prioritizing your children’s welfare first and foremost. If not, then don’t have kids. It’s not rocket science. The fact that this selfish, sorry-excuse-of-a-man cared more for his sordid affair than his children makes me want to track his ass down and get him well acquainted with a few 9mm’s.
The woman is a work colleague and you obviously still see her every day, even though you have said you are no longer “seeing” her. I am not sure that I believe you after so many lies for so long. Unfortunately, I will never know whether you are still seeing her, as you can just do as you please now because you are no longer with me. You fooled me so well.
You continue to treat me despicably. You do not show any remorse or regret for what you have done, nor do you show any emotions or feelings towards me or my wellbeing – you act as if nothing has happened and not once have you cried.
You have told me that you hadn’t loved me properly for quite some time, which I am extremely upset about as you never brought up the problems in our relationship so that we could have tried to work them out. We had been together 28 years and that’s a lot of memories to throw away.
Everything is so hurtful. I am devastated that you decided that our relationship was over and was going to end in such a horrible way, and that you made that awful, emotionless woman part of our marriage.
You do say you are sorry, but that really is an empty word for the immense pain that you have caused me and our children. I have lost my husband and my best friend and I am not sure I will ever fully recover from the heartache you have caused me.
Your heartbroken wife
I can’t understand how he showed no remorse? I can’t understand how he continues to treat his wife, whom he wronged on so many levels, despicably. How and why do people become so cruel. When you were in full control of your actions and wreaked havoc again and again, breaking everything in your vicinity, how do you stand amongst the destruction and take no responsibility for your actions?
Also I would just like to add that the tone of the letter speaks so loud. If you read carefully you will note that the letter expresses no anger, just pure untamed hurt. The wife writes everything as ‘matter of fact’, showing that she is numb inside. She is hurting so deep that her body is protecting itself by shutting off all emotion, leaving her numb. God bless her, please give her the courage and strength to move on.
If you are someone having an affair, or thinking of cheating, please think twice. Your actions cause more damage than you will realise. Your 10 minutes of pleasure cause a lifetime of pain and it’s just not fair. Who gave you the right to mess with another’s life. If you’re relationship is not working then TALK for goodness sake. Communicate, say it out loud. If your partner doesn’t want to hear it or refuses to accept this issue, then at least they had a warning. It cuts deep when a storm hits, but they hadn’t the slightest clue because in their world the sun was still shining.