My latest posts have been centred around how trapped and suffocated I have been feeling. So it’s only fitting that my social circle is too busy for me! It’s that time of year where kids are going through exams. All my friends, siblings and cousins are all busy with studying. Except me! I am working this year and I finally have my weekends free (no stupid Saturday job for me)! However it’s just fitting that when these people are not studying they are working part time on the weekends! Just my luck (I seriously need new friends).
So I am bored, I want to go out, I want to have fun, I want to be a fucking kid. It’s so unfair how I am being restricted from every angle in my life!
- Strict, overprotective parents with old-school views means that my choices and options of what I can do are limited.
- A restricted social circle limits my options of what, when and with whom I can carry out the list of restricted things I can do.
- Social/cultural/religious views, morals and rules tie into all the above and again the key word here is RESTRICTION!
I am so fucking tired of this shit, but my fear is too deeply inbedded. I am afraid of breaking the rules, afraid of the consequences, afraid of people’s opinions, afraid of causing disrespect to my family (I get warned of this too frequently). It is done in such a way that it makes you feel guilty instead of angry. Goes something along the lines of this “Do what you want in life, but just make sure that you remember the respect we have built up in this family. Remember that the choices you make reflect on us and it will come down to our family name.” Blah, blah, blah……
Do you see the subtle emotional turmoil, guilt and resulting effects that causes.
Ok this post just went off on a tangent.
Getting back on topic; I want to go out and about, but I can’t because all my mates are too busy studying. So anyway what fuelled the rage this time is that they have been stating dates after which I am ALLOWED to meet them! Can you believe that?!
So imagine you wanted to meet with your mates and they said ‘we can’t meet until after 25th June’.
Like are you serious, who the fuck do you think you are?! Yes you have exams, yes you need to study, but get real people. You are acting like you study every minute of the day and taking an hour out to meet with a mate is a hindrance and such an inconvenience. I feel trapped because I feel like I am the only person around me who wants to be out exploring the beauty of life!
When I am studying I welcome the opportunity to get out and away from revision. It does you good to de-stress and relax, so don’t give me a fucking date after which I am allowed to graciously be blessed with your superior presence.
One thing I have learnt in life is that if you truly want to make time for somebody, you can. If you really want to meet with someone (a lover, a friend, a parent, a family relation etc), you are never TOO busy! It is so easy to move things around and COMPROMISE. I have realised that people who give bullshit excuses do not truly want to meet with you, or their desire is significantly lower than yours. If I really wanted to make time to meet with someone and I was so crazy busy, I would still be able to do it! It’s not a hardship and it’s not rocket science, it comes down to how much you really want it. Do you agree?
Any way point is, these so called mates can go fuck themselves. I always compromise and change things or timetables to suit others, but they never do the same for me. So fuck you and your stupid dates. I just decided that I am busy then B%TCHES!