Confused and Conflicted

Hanging around at a pub after work I was socialising with my colleagues. Not my usual scene, so I was quite surprised to find I was actually enjoying myself. Then a colleague of mine picked up on the fact that I don’t drink alcohol. Ever.

The reason I don’t drink is due to religious aspects, my upbringing and my own personal beliefs. Now don’t go thinking I am a complete nut-job who does everything I am told. Many people have been bought up and told ‘not-to-drink’, however the end game is down to every individual personally.

You don’t know what you’re missing he said. But that is exactly the point I replied, I do not know what I am missing, so it’s a non-issue.

You’re missing out on life, you don’t seem to do much.

That simple comment hit deep. He was right, I am missing out on a lot in life due to my simple way of living. I seem to cut a lot of things out because I don’t think I should do them or they don’t fit into the ‘conventional’ life plan. The conventional life plan being getting a job, getting married and settling down. That has always been the way we are supposed to live (remember I grew up in a traditional Indian family).

You should travel, you should live life, make the most of it because at the end we don’t take anything with us. He was right. He was so right, that I have been thinking about his comments all week long. And it’s annoying the fuck out of me.

What I have always thought to be ‘right’ and ‘set in stone’ has now been tainted by his stupid comments.

I am feeling confused and conflicted because I want what he said. I want to travel, I want to make the most out of everyday. But for some reason I am feeling confused with this simple notion because of the whole stupid ‘conventional life plan’ that I have drilled into my head from day one.

When someone rocks you’re way of thinking, taking the ‘new’ into consideration takes a while.

I want what he said. So why am I finding it hard to let in? Why am I looking at life like a foregone conclusion! My life hasn’t even begun yet, I am only 20 years old, yet I seem to have to mentality of a 50 year old.

Now don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean I want to go get drunk and trashed.


I have no desire to drink and the like. I just want to do more with life. I want to change up my routine. But I think that is half the problem, I am so used to conventionality and routine!

I am that ‘later’ person. I will do that later. I will travel later. I will live life later. But what happens when later doesn’t come around!?

This post is confusing and doesn’t make much sense, but that because my thoughts don’t make sense. His comments made me change my way of thinking and I am having a hard time adjusting to that.

Talk about


16 thoughts on “Confused and Conflicted

  1. Listen….people with less structure will eventually need structure. You are years ahead of them because your parents give you the gift of succeeding where they have failed. They raised you to be focus on the prize not just live in the present. I am very structured; I drank, committed crimes, and hangout all night; and it led me to structure and wishing “I would have known then what I know now”. I agree you should be a young adult, build strong friendships, hangout with them more, and maybe date and find your future but not at the detriment to your long-term goals. You will have time to travel with age, you aren’t missing anything; you’re just doing things different. Make the changes that will satisfy you but don’t make a complete makeover. You will question a lot of things in life but it will all lead you back to what is in your heart!!!!

    • Thank you, you just hit the nail on the head. That is the way I have always thought, that I have managed to get my eye on the ‘prize’ earlier than others have, thanks to my parents. I was always happy and content with that.
      But his comment just rocked that contentment and had me thinking maybe I am going about life all wrong?
      Thank you for your comment. Normally I don’t think twice about giving into peer pressure and others comments about these sort of things, but this got to me a bit.
      He was also trying to subtly pressure me into a beer, and quite frankly that just pissed me off!

  2. Imperfect says:

    Don’t worry, you definitely aren’t missing out on much by not drinking. I guarantee that you are missing out on a lot less than a person who is drunk all the time is.

    • Thanks for commenting.

      I have always been content about not drinking, I mean come on, if I wanted a drink I would have done it already.

      So this was the first time I actually fell a little bit into the peer pressure and just wondered whether I am too strict on myself in life in general.

  3. rgonaut says:

    Imperfect says it perfectly. You’ll see more if you’re not drinking. That being said, I don’t think it does any permanent damage if you try a drink or get drunk. It’s if it becomes a habit, an addiction or you do something stupid while you are that’s bad. You would discover something about yourself I think. You’d maybe understand others better too. Maybe you would be ashamed. Maybe amazed. Maybe you don’t need or want to know and that’s something I can respect too.

    • Hi thanks for commenting 🙂
      I agree with what you say and I have always thought that I would discover something about myself if I just let go and stopped being such a control freak lol.
      For some reason I’m an ‘all or nothing’ type of person (in most things), so I either do it or don’t do it at all. Really need to loosen up – but to be honest I can’t see that happening anytime soon.

  4. Socialkenny says:

    How the fuck did I miss this one [pardon the French]!!!?

    I was shocked to hear the words pub and you in the same sentence. But you did enjoy the stimuli with the new suggestions. How ironic that I just blogged about this as you know(travel).

    • DQueenWannabe13 says:

      LOL you need to sort out your notification issues!

      I thought you might like this post, and I do enjoy pubbing/clubbing, I manage to have a great time even though I don’t drink.

      • Socialkenny says:

        Lol yea I know. I personally felt as though this post was for me. Plus I didn’t know you go to clubs and pubs. Why didn’t I get that memo?
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

        • DQueenWannabe13 says:

          Don’t get me wrong I don’t go often – I can actually count the amount of times I have been on my hands! But I do love the vibe – wish I could go more by my home-circumstances don’t allow for it 😦

          • Socialkenny says:

            What would it take for you to consume at most 1 beer?
            Sent from my BlackBerry® device

          • DQueenWannabe13 says:

            I just wouldn’t do it because I have no desire to do so. And to be honest its sort of become a game – everyone thinks that I will at least try it once or give in, so it just makes me want to NOT do it even more so!

            Stupid reason, but I sort of pride myself over not touching alcohol at all. So along with no desire to even try a bit and the need to prove everyone wrong, its not something I see happening- but then again I should never say never and shouldn’t tempt fate lol

          • Socialkenny says:

            You’ll give in eventually. Especially after learning that red wine is good for the heart and keeps your face/skin looking tight and not saggy. I mean, I believe the religious world’s down cry against alcohol is bullshit; especially when the Bible condoned it, but only warned against getting pissy drunk. Plus grapes are natural substance. Isn’t like a foreign synthetic poison or a drug. Just grapes and barley (in beers) lol.
            Sent from my BlackBerry® device

          • DQueenWannabe13 says:

            LOL in that case I’ll just eat shit loads of grapes! Simple.

          • Socialkenny says:

            Lol you may get intoxicated. Let me know how it goes
            Sent from my BlackBerry® device

  5. […] Confused and conflicted on a whole other level. […]

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