Before you get excited this isn’t a post about ‘my first time’.
Last week was my first week at my new job. It was my first job in the corporate world and in an office (previously worked in retail).
And I hated it.
My first day was horrible. The people were nice and it wasn’t hard as I was only going through induction material but I still hated it. All I could think about was how the hell am I going to last a year!
I experienced culture shock, anxiety from being outside of my comfort zone, and I felt scared. Scared of being in this new environment, with new people and without a clue as to what I was meant to do. I went home that night and felt so happy to see my family, so happy to be inside my home and my comfort zone once again.
My dreams and illusions were shattered. During the build up to the new job I had all these fantasies and daydreams about how I was going to act. How I was going to walk into the office looking all professional yet cute with a hint of sexy. How I was going to be confident and show them that I was a force to be reckoned with. How I was going to make friends with everyone and be sure they all knew the new girl was something else.
What actually happened?
Nill. Zilch. Nada.
As I got closer to the office I lost my nerve. I started having a fricken panic attack and the nerves got the best of me, they even stole my voice. So much for the professional, confident, sexy new girl. Those first few days I was fragile. I was so on edge that the comforting words offered by friends and family almost reduced me to tears. I was riding a thin line and I felt as though any moment it would snap. Never have I felt so vulnerable and fragile and scared. That state of mind is too much too handle.
But then something I honestly thought wouldn’t happen at that moment in time started happening.
It actually started to get better.
Slowly, very slowly, but surely. The next day was slightly better than the previous, then the day after that even more so. Before I knew it, it was Friday and the thought of going to work in the morning didn’t make me want to cry anymore. Now into my second week I am slowly starting to settle in.
First times at things are hard, scary and a real challenge and trying to see past the tunnel whilst you are going through them is a hardship you can only truly understand when you are in that position.
So the moral of the blog:
No matter how much you prepare for something, the reality is always a force to be reckoned with.
Place your faith in God, he does everything for a reason, never too early or too late.
It’s hard to believe when you’re living the hardship, but have a little faith, time really does heal everything.