What happened to you as a child?
That is the main question or issue that a psychiatrist, counsellor or shrink will try to get down to. There is research to prove that the problems we may deal with as adults have stemmed from our childhoods. However trying to remember events from our childhood is the problem itself, particularly for those individuals who endured traumatising events and have since completely blocked them out.
I have been contemplating going to talk to a professional to sort out my self-esteem and self-confidence issues. So I tried to do some self-helping and thought about the questions that they would most likely ask me. The obvious ones stem down to what happened to bring on such low self-esteem and when did it happen.
Looking back as far as I could I just couldn’t find an answer, because as far as memory serves I have always been a shy, introverted, quiet little girl who lack confidence.
But then one day it hit me. A little snippet of a memory that is only one piece of this puzzle.
Picture a small little girl between the age of 5-7 (I still don’t know how old I was in this memory). She is running around playing with her brother. Out comes the little girls aunt, whom this little girl is already quite attached to and looks up to. The aunt goes straight to the little girls brother and starts playing with him and chasing him around. The little girl is chasing around after the aunt trying to be apart of the game. She then tugs on her aunts leg and shyly and innocently asks “Why do you play with him but don’t play with me? Don’t you like me?” The aunt looks quite stunned by the question and replies that of course she plays with all the children equally and of course she likes her. She then proceeds to include the little girl in the game, however the little girl still has that thought in her mind.
End of memory.
I was quite shocked by that memory and the fact that at that young age I was craving and asking for attention. I realise that all children demand attention quite naturally, but this memory was different. Can’t quite put my finger on it, but it had a hint of desperation and hunger to it.
Like I said this was just a piece of the puzzle and still doesn’t answer where this stemmed from? I may never find out, then again time may tell.
“A moment lasts all of a second, but the memory lives on forever.”